In this powerful episode of Caregiver Conversations, we sit down with Amber Boone, an entrepreneur, advocate, and social media creator with over half a million followers, to unpack her deeply personal journey as a caregiver. After stepping up to raise her granddaughter during a time of crisis, Amber shares the emotional, legal, and personal battles she faced navigating a broken system, supporting her daughter through recovery, and learning to care for herself in the process. This candid conversation offers insight into relative caregiving, intergenerational trauma, and the strength it takes to love through adversity.
Guest: Amber Boone, entrepreneur, speaker, caregiver, and content creator
Hosts: Kristie King & Antonia Harbin Lamb
Topics Covered:
Follow Amber:
Instagram | TikTok: @GetRealWithAB
Website: amberboone.net
Resources:
Kristie: [00:00:00] Welcome back to Caregiver Conversations where we explore real stories, challenges and solutions that matter most to caregivers. I'm your host, Kristy King, executive director of the Southeast Michigan Senior Regional Collaborative,
Antonia: and I'm your co-host Antonia Harbin Lamb staff attorney at the Elder Law and Advocacy Center and program manager of Great Lakes Legal Mediation division.
Today we're joined by Amber Boone. An entrepreneur, speaker, and advocate. After overcoming challenges as a teen mom, she stepped up to raise her granddaughter, navigating a complex system to ensure her wellbeing. Now with over a half a million followers, she shares her journey to inspire and support others.
Kristie: Amber, we are so grateful to have you with us today. Your journey is deeply inspiring and I know so many people will relate to your story. Let's start from the beginning. So how did you step into the role of raising your granddaughter? 'cause you don't look like you've got a granddaughter , right? But it's okay.
I hear that often,
Amber: [00:01:00] which has added a challenge because a lot of people. caregiving are a little bit older than I am. Mm-hmm . And I don't think, um, there's as many resources for younger people. We'll get into that later. Um, so my daughter, after she had my first granddaughter, who's about to be seven years old, when she first had her, afterwards, she developed postpartum depression and it went untreated.
So she tried to self-treat it. Which kind of led to some bad decisions. Mm-hmm . Which ultimately led to an addiction. And while she was kind of just starting her addiction, she ended up pregnant, she had the baby. I was very much trying to help her, still thinking at that point, didn't understand how deep the addiction was.
Mm-hmm. Thinking like, we can get through this. Mm-hmm. Like, I'll help you, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna support you. Um, and the, you know, first I didn't think that they were gonna let her leave with the baby from the hospital, but they did. And, but shortly thereafter, the baby was removed from her care. Um, in the process.
From there, actually I was [00:02:00] told that, you know, if they were to remove the child, she would be placed with me. They, she was not, she was placed in a non-relative home. Oh,
Kristie: wow.
Amber: And I fought for her for 10 months and it was just like a whole bunch of reasons of why they couldn't give her to me. Initially it was, it was covid.
We can't change placements during covid unless it's life. Death situation. Um, and then it was just like one thing after another, after another. So for 10 months I fought for her. Finally I was awarded placement, and her foster mom appealed the decision.
Kristie: Wow. So
Amber: we had to go through the appeal process and eventually she was gradually placed into my care.
And then ultimately I had her. Um, unfortunately, I think with all of that situation, um, just kind of . Caused my daughter to spiral even further. Mm-hmm . The reality of her situation. Mm-hmm . Caused her to wanna run from it, and so she ended up losing rights and then I adopted my granddaughter, so that's how I came into care.
Wow.
Kristie: Did you have visitation during that time
Amber: with the foster parent? No, I found a workaround, um, because my daughter had supervised visitations at the, at the [00:03:00] dhs mm-hmm . And I would take my oldest granddaughter to the visit so that I was able to see the younger grandbaby. And I got my little time into, yeah, like I found a way, you know, um, because of COD.
They had started doing, um, outdoor visitations. Mm-hmm . So they were like at parks and stuff. So then I was able to really, you know, hold her. Yeah. And I was just like, I'm here . I know everyone's looking at me like, what are you doing here? That's here. I'm like, I don't care. I'm here. I definitely inserted myself in a lot of places where everyone was looking at me like, why are you here?
What are you doing? But I knew that fostering that bond was gonna be important in the fight to get her place with me. Absolutely. So I worked really hard to do that.
Antonia: That is an amazing story. , it sounds, you know, like you definitely had to go through a lot of different challenges and with that, that transition must have been pretty overwhelming, I imagine, stepping into raising your grandchild, especially managing your personal and professional life.
Came with a lot of [00:04:00] different challenges. Can you talk to us about some of those hurdles that you may have faced or things that you may have considered challenges at the time?
Amber: Yeah, so, you know, I had my daughter when I was really young, and by the time she had children, obviously she was entering adulthood.
I had another son who was, who was right behind her. So for me, this is the first time in my life where I'm able to really focus on my career and I was, I was . Thriving, like, oh, I had a podcast. I was working on my career. I was building businesses. I was really discovering who I was finally for the first time outside of being a mother, outside of raising children.
And, um, it was like everything got put to a stop so that I could step in and care once again. Um, and so it was a struggle for me to find. To, to let go of that independence again when I just started to find it in order to step in this role. And then not only that, but now I have to manage, um, being a mother to my daughter while being a caregiver in a motherly role to her daughter, support [00:05:00] my daughter through her recovery, which is what the ultimate goal was, but also realize that sometimes in order to do what's best for the baby.
It meant not being able to be there for my daughter. And I think that was really challenging for me, um, because it was important that I was able to support her. But I also knew that there were times where I had to set boundaries in order to do what was best for the baby. And I did. Um, and as time went on and the rights were terminated, then it was like, okay, now I'm mom.
And I had, yeah, you know, we were working with different. agencies who were trying to help us through this transition. And they're like, well, you're a mom. And I'm like, eh, but I'm grandma. Mm-hmm . Yeah, . She needs a mom. And I'm like, so we went through this and they're like, well, what does she call you? The baby didn't call me anything for a long time because I wouldn't answer to mom.
And I felt like, you know, everyone's like, oh, you know, take your nurse swim class. And they're like, here, go to mom. Everyone refers to me as mom. And I'm like, so, um. I had to find that balance and figure it out, and ultimately what I discovered is that just doing what is in the best interest of the child and letting her lead the way, for the most part.
Mm-hmm . [00:06:00] Being age appropriate with . What information is given to her, and ultimately just loving her was the best way to go. So now her, my daughter's in recovery almost two years. Great. She's, we've reintegrated her back into her daughter's life and she knows that that's mommy and I'm grandma, but she still calls me mom.
Mm-hmm . A lot of the time. Um, and she calls her mom, mom, or she'll call. So it's confusing on the outside, but we understand what's going on.
Kristie: know which mom get it,
Amber: you
Kristie: know? I think that's really important to think about that. Not saying, yeah, I'm mom, but still maintaining that role for your daughter. Mm-hmm
I think that's so very important in, 'cause you knew this. Bond or, or role or re relationship would be reestablished. Yes. That was your ultimate goal. Mm-hmm . I think that is great in this transition. Mm-hmm . Because sometimes, you know, like you said, it's like, oh, that's mom and you just move with it. But like you said, allowing your granddaughter to lead the way mm-hmm
And then giving your daughter that space to become who she needed to be. I think [00:07:00] that's amazing and definitely, I'm sure definitely a challenge for you deep down. Mm-hmm . Um, as you move forward. We know that relative placement can be difficult. It's a difficult process for many caregivers for those that's unfamiliar with the term.
It refers to when a child is placed with a relative rather than in foster care system. And you mentioned your, your process, but Amber, can you walk us through the process you went through to get legal placement of your granddaughter? You noted that her right, your daughter's rights were terminated, but how did that really transpire?
Mm-hmm .
Amber: So initially I was contacted by my oldest granddaughter's father that, and that's how I was, became aware that the children were removed from her care and he told me of a court date that was coming up. Again, this is during Covid? Mm-hmm . It was, you know, basically what, five people to a courtroom or something like that.
Like you had to wear a mask, be six feet apart, all of these things. But as soon as I heard of the court date, and I live down here in Detroit and my daughter lives in Lansing, so I had to go up to [00:08:00] Lansing. Wow. And this is where all this happened. Um, and so I went to the court, and again, that's what I realized.
Everybody's looking at me like, who are you? Why are you here? And I'm like, I'm the grandma. She's the grandma. She's supposed to do, you know anything about me? like, Nope. But I'm here and I ain't going nowhere. That's right. So I was there and, um. I, I stood up in front of the judge and everybody there, and I said, I understand that she has been placed elsewhere right now, but I was told by CBS workers when they contacted me, she would be placed with me.
I want care of her. Mm-hmm . So whatever I gotta do, okay, we'll look into it, work on it. And they didn't. So I was, I was emailing people, I was like. Literally tapping into everything that I could to email anyone that I could. I was writing letters. I contacted the child's attorney. 'cause you know, the child has an attorney specifically for them was contacting her and I wasn't getting anywhere.
Like it was devastating. Yeah. Because I felt like no one was listening to me. Everyone was directing me elsewhere. I was getting different reasons why I couldn't get her. Um, eventually. Eventually somebody listened to me [00:09:00] and they decided to look at my case and they said, okay, we'll send somebody out to do like a home study.
Mm-hmm . Somebody came out to my house, they did a home study, they investigated my entire life, and then they said no. And I was like, why not? They're like, well, you know, you don't have a crib and there's some other items, but you'll receive an official report. And I was like, okay. First y'all told me I didn't need a crib.
You said you could provide one, but secondly, I do have a crib and I sent a picture of it. To whoever I was emailing. Mm-hmm . Like, I do have a crib, here's a picture of it set up. Um, and then it was just, yeah. So it was a lot of it just being resourceful, figuring it out, not taking no for an answer. Mm-hmm
Who else do I need to contact? Who else is in this department? Like, who has a say in this? All of the family meetings prior to termination. Um, you know, they, they have the foster parent and then all the workers on the case and all of that on these. Family meetings and um, I was on all of those meetings writing down who was in the meeting, what were they saying, what was their role in this?
Mm-hmm . Do they have a say in anything? So when [00:10:00] anything happened, I'm contacting everybody and I'm contacting their boss. Yeah. I'll contact, you know, whoever I gotta talk, talk to, call . I will pull up to somebody's place of business. Whatever I gotta do eventually, you know, like I said, through that process of doing the official like
Application, I guess, to get put her place with me. Having them do the home study and being approved for that eventually. Then it was like, okay, well you've got approved. Great. And then I was informed, well, the foster mother wanted to adopt. That's why she took her in the first place. She was told from day one that this child would likely go up for adoption.
Wow. And she wanted to adopt. And I know that because she told me at one of the visits, one of the exchanges, she told me face to face, that's what it was. She was like, well, I just don't understand. Why would they be placed with her, with her, with you when they told me that I would be able to adopt? So there's a lot of flaws in the system that I was not aware of.
But once I was being considered for placement, I had to go through like the, I had to become an, uh, I didn't have to become a licensed foster parent, but they said it would help, especially if rights were terminated [00:11:00] and I needed to adapt. So I went through all the classes, um, and learned so much, and it was devastating experience to realize like, what is happening to these children and how.
Overlooked and there's just a lot. It was, I was like, I wanna become a foster parent. I wanna adopt all the kids. , I'm gonna, I have to buy a big house because I like, I wanna save them all. Like, it was it, I really got deep into it and felt like, well, I have to do something about this. Um, but I went through the foster care classes, got approved.
Um, at the appeal obviously went. Before the Foster Care Review Board, they decided to go ahead and place her with me. It was a gradual placement. So she would come to my house for like a day, one week, and then like for an overnight, mm-hmm . And then it was like for the weekend, and it was only about a month of gradual placement.
And then finally she was permanently placed with me. And at that point we kind of all knew that it was really headed in the direction of termination. And mind you, it was only because. of the, the time limit [00:12:00] they give you. Okay. You have to make so much progress within, what is it, like 17 months or something like that.
Yeah. And my daughter wasn't making enough progress. So it was just like, well, the time's running out and we're not about to keep you on here forever. Mm-hmm. So, um, we kind of knew that. So I began preparing for adoption, making sure, because again, after they, you know, the foster, I did get, end up getting my foster care license, and that did make it a little easier.
But they still, for the adoption process, you have to officially, once the rights are terminated, you have to officially apply to adopt, even if it's your relative, even if the child is already in your care, they go up on a website. Which, I hate to say this, but it's very reminiscent of like the Humane Society and the animals on the, and you just like, oh, that one looks like a good one.
Mm-hmm . Let me pick that one. Mm-hmm . And that's how it is. Which again is another frustrating thing, but they put the child up on a website and then anybody can apply to adopt any random person, old foster mom, somebody else from the family. We don't know about me, whoever. So I had to officially apply to adopt.
And, um, they were able to pull a lot of the information from the foster [00:13:00] care license that I had gotten, but they still had to run like all my financials. And who's in your life? Who's in your house? You know, do you, are you dating, um, you know who might be taking care of them? Do you have a backup care person?
Like all of these things and. Once all of that is completed and if you pass everything, then your application can be approved to adopt. And that's what ended up happening. But yeah, it was a lot,
Kristie: I guess for me is the, and you Grandma , you know, I was, I was just thinking like, so I would have to fight for my grandkids.
You know that's being an advocate that you are while we are having a conversation with you. Now, I just keep thinking in my head, but you're grandma and I have to prove that I am. The best. Yeah. I'm fit. Yeah. to be grandma. Right. And that
Amber: was my point. And it's just like, so what your grandma? And I'm like, no, but I'm grandma.
And I was like, I'm not just like a regular grandma, like that's my baby. Right. Like I don't think you understand Grandma . Yeah. [00:14:00] So I'm like, but yeah, no even, and to go through all those hoops and to prove all of this stuff and it's just like, you know. You do kind of turn your nose up. Then it's like, if this much effort went into making sure people were, you know, equipped to have children in the first place, we might not even be in this situation and other things.
Kristie: And it also, it also really lets you see the flaws in the system. You know, we know the system is f why we hear the stories we know, but it really. . It is just, I'm thinking it has to be a better way.
Antonia: Yeah, I agree.
Kristie: You know, it has to be a better way.
Antonia: I was just curious too, how long was that process for you?
Yeah.
Amber: So I, it started, well, she was removed at the beginning of March of 2020. And I, she was placed in my care finally in December of 2020.
Antonia: Okay.
Amber: Um, so I fought that long to get her in my care. And then from December of 2020, I think rights were terminated in April of 2021. And. I can't remember exactly when I had [00:15:00] gotten my foster care license, but it was somewhere around that time, and then I ended up officially adopting her in February of 2022.
So we're talking, you know, two years, right? Wow. Two years. At the time, it felt like so much longer though, especially during that 10 months when I was trying to get her just placed with me.
Right?
Amber: Every, every, no, every unread or unresponded to email and everything felt like it was just taking forever.
Kristie: Right. Did they have a no contact with your daughter within that in the
Amber: clause? They didn't. No. They, well, no, I take that back. Once rights were terminated mm-hmm . They were like, you cannot have her round the babies. Mm-hmm . Um, and I asked, I said, so when I adopt her, like, and she, and they told me, well, once you adopt, like it's up to your discretion, but we kind of recommend that.
And that's what I noticed and I've kind of, you know, gotten some kickback about, is that they, there's really not a lot of, um, support for . The, the reintegration of the parents into the children's life. Mm-hmm . People are, [00:16:00] people really look down and they're like, no, they shouldn't, you know, it'll, it'll mess things up or it'll be worse for the child.
And so, um, that I was kind of like one of the very few who are just like, no. Like, that's why I'm, that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this. Mm-hmm . I know my daughter's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
Amber: I know she's gonna be okay. One day I need to essentially be a placeholder and hold onto everything mm-hmm . And, and make sure everybody is okay and all of this so that when she is okay.
Her babies can have their mom back. Mm-hmm . Because I know she's coming back and, um, reintroducing her. I feel like there should be more support, education, resources, whatever it may be, and how to do it in a healthy way. Because there is nothing. So we don't know how to do it. We gotta figure it out. Right.
And yeah, maybe there are some unhealthy ways to do it. Maybe it can go left, right? But I certainly feel like there's a right way to do it. I feel like so far so good. Mm-hmm . We're doing okay. Mm-hmm . We're figuring it out. And the kids are so happy. Like my granddaughter that I adopted, she loves her mom.
She loves, absolutely loves spending time with her. She's so, so, and my daughter has a new baby now. And, and like everything is . [00:17:00] On the right track. Mm-hmm . But there was a lot of kick bagging, like, oh, you shouldn't be around her. You shouldn't have her around. You know, if something happens, it's gonna come back on you.
Which I understand and I accept that risk.
Kristie: You know, you're a parent times too. Mm-hmm . Yeah. You know, in different ways. Mm-hmm .
Amber: Mm-hmm .
Kristie: So you really talked about the steps, the process, but let's. Dig a little bit into how that impacted you emotionally. Um, stepping in as a caregiver, um, as a parent, we're automatically caregivers, but it kind of amplified you as grandma caregiver now.
Mm-hmm .
Kristie: In addition to everything that came along with that. Um, especially if it's unexpectedly, you know, we know it can take an emotional toll. So in this experience for you, how did, how did you manage your mental health, your emotional wellbeing? How did you make sure. That that aligned with your life as you, you say you have other kids.
Mm-hmm. You know, and you, your career. And now I'm going through the system, which is stressful on its own. Mm-hmm. And I have a baby and I [00:18:00] also wanna make sure that my daughter is okay.
Amber: Yeah. I know
Kristie: she's struggling. So how were you taking care of Amber?
Amber: Yeah. Honestly, I really wasn't for a while. For a while it was just like, um.
I tend to pour myself into whatever my, my passion is and whatever I'm doing that distracts me from the reality of things. And for a while, the reality was so awful that I just didn't wanna be in reality. So I was like, I'll pour myself into this cause, which at the time that was my cause and I was fully into it, um, which kept me distracted, so I didn't really have to deal with it.
But over time, as everything became more permanent, like wow, her rights are really terminated. And there was a while where I. I didn't know if she was gonna come out of it like I knew it. Yeah. But I didn't know. I was like, Hmm. I don't, yeah, it's not looking too good right now. Um. And it was really difficult and people around me began to be concerned because it was just, I was just having a hard time like letting my daughter go thinking because at that point I had to, in order to do what was best for the baby.
You can't come [00:19:00] around. You can't call, no, we don't, you can't do holidays with us. It's not healthy for, for the baby right now, or even for me, for that matter. Even if I'm struggling with it as an adult, I can't imagine how hard it is on the kids. So I had to draw that line, which was really difficult. And, um.
Eventually, like I started, you know, seeking out support groups, like online support groups. Mm-hmm . Or support groups in a community, um, doing even like Nar-Anon and um, other groups like that. And I didn't find a whole lot of. Whatever it was that I needed in those things, I just felt like either, like nobody, 'cause again, I, I'm not the same age as a lot of the people experiencing this.
Yeah. So we, they're not really my peers. It's like they, they can't really understand. Um, and again, we didn't all have, I had very different outlooks. I had more optimistic outlook on how this should go than I think a lot of other people who had sufficed to Mm. It just is what it is. And we don't talk to my son or my daughter [00:20:00] anymore.
Mm-hmm. We're taking care of the baby and. I just didn't like that, so I didn't feel like I could really relate to anybody. Um, eventually I came into contact and this was, I can't remember if it was right before my daughter started recovery or right after, but I think it might've been right after I came into contact with, um, families Against Narcotics, which is now this something else now.
It's fan, I forget now, but um, that seemed to be more helpful for me. I was paired with, um, a family recovery coach, which was another person who had. Helped their child through addiction and recovery. And I just felt like I was paired with a person who kind of more understood what I was going through, had more of an open mind of how this can go a million different ways.
Mm-hmm . And whatever way works for you is kind of okay. Um, so that was really helpful and I started talking about it, like I started talking about it online. I did a TikTok video, I think back in 2022. . And I was so, I couldn't even say the words. I was like, so my [00:21:00] daughter's like making some bad decisions, but I was like, I couldn't say like, she's facing addiction and this is what I'm going through.
It was, that first video was really hard, but then once I did it and I started talking about it, I was like, there are so many people navigating these same waters and they don't have a life raft. They don't have a buoy, they don't know where to go. There's no lights. There're a loss in the waters, and not everybody has the tenacity that I have.
I'm . Thankful for that, that gift that I have and that characteristic to be tenacious enough to go after mm-hmm . And find numbers and emails and show up places where people are looking at me crazy and not care. Yeah. Um, not everybody has that. Yeah. Some people hear no and they say, Aw dang,
Kristie: and
Amber: that's it.
Yeah. Sorry
Kristie: for you. And that's, and, and
Amber: nothing against them, but it's like you don't have to just say, that's it and just, and take defeat. So finding that there are more people that can relate to my situation and that we can navigate this together. Was huge for my mental health. It really helped me feel like I wasn't alone.
Not only was I not alone, but you know, I really love [00:22:00] helping people. So then that gave me another ta, another mm-hmm . Passion project where I'm like, oh great, I can help this person and I can, you know, help other people navigate this situation. Um, which was good. And then I learned how to. How to show up for myself.
And it's like, no, you know, I was on this path before I got my granddaughter where I was like, I'm living my best life. I'm finally grown and don't really have any little ones to take care of. And oh, I was gonna take over the city and then I was back to being a mom again. And so, um, I had to learn how to find balance to still do me and still find my individuality outside of being a mom, outside of being a grandmother.
I'm still me. I can still be powerful. I can still be a businesswoman. I can still do all these things and be a mom. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so, so finding that balance was also really helpful to my mental health because I think having your identity and knowing that whether I have this baby or not, or whether I'm, whatever's going on, like I'm still me.
I still have my core. So it was really helpful.
Antonia: I [00:23:00] was just thinking about that in terms of the whole self-care conversation. Yeah. And. You know, we, we hear a lot about self-care and you know, how important that is, obviously, and for stress management and everything like that. And for you, how did you, um, not, you know, have guilt or anything come into play when you were, you know, going after advocating really for your granddaughter and
Doing all these, doing all the other things just to keep your identity. How did you not have any guilt about that? Or did you manage guilt?
Kristie: I wanna add one more to that. Mm-hmm. Because that is the kind of the question. Mm-hmm. I wanted to ask too, how did you not internalize that? How did you not internalize what was going on with your daughter?
So owning, you know, dealing with that guilt and then saying, my daughter is in another city that's an hour away and this is going on. Not internalize what was going on with her as [00:24:00] her mom. 'cause as a, as a mom, we tend to, you know, we wanna fix our kids. Mm-hmm . We want them to, to do everything right. 'cause that's how we envision things.
Mm-hmm . So how did you deal with that guilt? Mm-hmm. And not internalized. Oh,
Amber: I internalized it. I did, I felt like absolute failure. I was like, I, I had her young, like all the things I worked, because I did have her young, but I worked really hard too. Kind of be all the stereotypes that were put on me because I had her young.
So I did all the things that people said I couldn't do, and I thought I did it right. I was like, girl, I gave you a good life. . You had a great life. She had a good life. She was raised well. She, she really was like the ideal picture, perfect American dream. Like I was able to give that to her. So I'm like, what are you doing?
Like, I worked so hard for you to not be in this life that I was raised in. That was my life. Mm. And I pulled you out of that. And I raised you so much like the right way, the better way. Why would you run back to that? Yeah. Like, you don't even know about that. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it was very frustrating. It was like I did all this work for nothing.
Everything. [00:25:00] And then it was like a lot of my identity too was wrapped in, up in the fact that I had overcome these obstacles and I had built this beautiful life and I was like, Hmm, look at Amber. Look at her daughter. Yeah. Yep. See? She, and it's like, oh wow. Okay. . So it, it, I felt like crap. Um. I felt so guilty and then I thought, well, yeah, maybe everybody was right.
Maybe it's because I had her young. Maybe it's because of all of these other things I went through while I was trying to get us out of that life into a better life. And it was just too much. And now, you know, I blame myself. I felt guilty. I felt like a horrible person, like a horrible parent. I, um. I then I felt guilty for not being able to save her.
You can't save her, literally. Oh, you know, you are, you inspire other people and you talk to other people and even her friends call you for advice, but you can't inspire your own kid. So you're a fraud. Mm-hmm . Like I had all the things. Yeah. Like all the, this imposter syndrome, everything. Um. Even getting my granddaughter at the time, my daughter was, and, and to be fair, had she [00:26:00] had a little bit more sense at the time and just said, here, take her.
We wouldn't have had to go through all what we went through, because she was like, no one. She thought if she said No, there's nobody that can take my baby. They would just say, okay, well you keep her. Mm-hmm . That's not what happened. Clearly. It's like, oh, nobody can take your baby. We're gonna place her over here with this random person.
So. After I was fighting for her, then she's like, oh, you just, you, you want my baby, you want my life. And you know, my daughter and I have always had a really good relationship. Now I feel like she's my worst enemy. Mm-hmm. And all I'm trying to do is love her. And I'm like, girl, I'm trying to help you. Yeah.
What are you doing? Um, but she was just so angry and so oppositional about everything. So I had guilt with that because she made me feel like bad about it when mm-hmm . You know, she realized the baby was calling me, mom, see, you just wanted my life. You want it to be the mom? And I was like, I promise I don't , I promise I was ready to live my best life.
I did not on a baby, a different path. Right. Not on my checklist there, like, I promise. Um, but [00:27:00] yeah, she, she kind of contributed to that guilt. And it was hard. There was days where I didn't wanna get outta bed. There were days where everything was hard like, but knowing that I had the baby and the baby, I felt like, you know, a God works in mysterious ways and I feel like sometimes he gives you what you don't even need or you don't want or whatever.
But this baby was just. Literally my sunshine. And so it's like every day you wake up, you don't feel like getting up, but the baby's smiling and she wants her eggs. 'cause you make her breakfast every morning. She's not getting cereal, she's not getting none of that crap off at my kids, she gets some meal
Kristie: because Grandma Stewart,
Amber: I'm like, let me get up and make you some eggs and cut up some fruit for you.
And like yeah, all of the things. So. Her just, and I look at this baby, like not only in the womb did you go through so much, but from the day that you were born, you've been through so much. And if I know she's just a baby and she doesn't know any better, but I'm just like, but she's so [00:28:00] happy. Mm-hmm . And she's so well adjusted.
And when she was in foster care, they were like, well, she has sleep apnea. And she has, um, they said that they, she had all of these things. That were affecting her health and affecting her abilities. Like she was delayed and she couldn't hold her bottle and she wasn't sitting up. She was doing this the day I got her, she, when she was 10 months old, she held her to bottle.
The next day she was sitting up, she's learned how to walk right away. Like she has zero things affecting her health. Mm-hmm . Once I got her until now, like she's completely fine. No, it thing. I'm so thankful. But they said in foster care, she had so many things. I was scared when I got her. I was like, I don't know what I'm looking at, what's gonna happen.
But she was good. So I'm like, you've been through so much . You've been around people you was ripped from your mom, you didn't even know you went to some strange person's house, like all this stuff. So I'm looking at her like, okay, we're in this together. If you can do it, I can do it. , I got you. Yeah. And she really did give me like strength and motivation and to this day, you know, she's almost five years old now and she's like the most amazing [00:29:00] person and she's five.
I'm like, she is the most amazing person I've ever met. She has like an incredible personality. She's so intelligent, she's so insightful. And you know, if I'm having a bad day, she'll stop and say . Are you okay? ? Do you need a hug? Because that's how I treated her. I'm like, if she's sad, I'm like, do you need a hug?
And she'll tell me if she does, but I'm just like, um, for all it's worth, for everything that has gone on, she has literally been my sunshine, my saving grace, and help me get out of bed those days where I didn't want to, and stop feeling sorry for myself and feeling guilty because. , I'm, I'm contributing to this and this.
Yeah. She's an angel, so I'm like, so I'm doing something right. 'cause she's awesome. So just keep focusing on what you can control. Yeah. And what you can control is this baby, like you can't control mm-hmm . What she's around, what she hears, what she eats, what she does. So give her the best of everything.
Just pour into her. Mm-hmm . That's all. I, and, and so, yeah. For a long time, that's the only thing that I felt was in my control, is what I was able to pour into her. And so I [00:30:00] poured it all into her.
Antonia: that seemed like it was a part of your self-care process. Mm-hmm . Absolutely. It became, you know, taking care of her, became a part of your process that actually helped you heal and deal with all of these other things too.
Absolutely. That's amazing because, you know, we talk about how self-care, you know, you go to the spy, you go get your nails done, you go, you know, do all these different things, go meditate. But there's so many ways that that can really happen.
Amber: Yeah. And I think the other things, for me anyway, like those things are fun.
Yeah. , , right? There's other things like those that are, I think, more important and for us, like for her, I, I noticed early on she functions really well with a routine and she gets outta her routine. It's a rough day. Mm-hmm . So by keeping her on a routine, I was on a routine by making sure she was eating right.
I was eating right. And that makes a big difference. Yeah. When you're actually hydrated. . Yeah, .
Which is like
Amber: when you're actually hydrated and you're actually eating nutritious food, it makes a huge difference [00:31:00] in your mm-hmm . In your outlook when she loves going for walks and she has to choose a baby. So.
We went on walks every single day. Walking was tremendous for me. It was like I got to meditate a little bit, be outside. Mm-hmm . Smell the air, touch the grass, like all the things. It was huge. So it was like all these things, like you said, I was pouring into her. Mm-hmm. Was actually really benefiting me as well.
Mm-hmm. And was a form of self care if I couldn't go get my nails done or anything like that. Right. No, but I was walking every day. I was hydrated, I was eating, we were doing it all together. Mm-hmm . Yeah. It was, it was, uh, the best form of self-care really.
Kristie: Right. That's definitely a different, I like that.
Yeah. Due to is definitely a different, different outlook. I don't know if we've had, we haven't had this conversation before. No, not at all. So that's why we're like, this is new, you know? And as a grandmother I'm like, I feel everything you're saying. Mm-hmm . That's why I'm just kinda like, I couldn't even imagine having to.
Fight for my grandkids and I will fight you. Yes, yes. For those two little people.
Amber: Yes. So my oldest granddaughter, um, she was placed with her biological dad, but my daughter's rights were still terminated and I went [00:32:00] through a situation. He was, he was really great about everything for a while. And then, you know, he started moving on with his life.
Yeah. Mm-hmm . Got a new person in his life and they didn't really want me around too much anymore. I went and I fought for grandparent visitation rights of hers. So I have court ordered grandparent visitation rights. I will get her Yes. And be like, but I was like, that's my grand, which mean I gotta, and, and.
It's, that varies state to state and it's really hard to get right. It was nobody in a six, like lawyers are crazy for the amount they try to charge to, to help you with stuff like this. Mm-hmm . But I was like, oh, whatever I gotta do, there's, there's no way. That's my baby. What do you mean?
Antonia: Exactly? Yeah, exactly.
So I was gonna say too, with grandparents visitation, that is not common. And you know, Michigan has struggled with that for a while. Mm-hmm . So Yeah. That's amazing. That is to be able
Kristie: to accomplish that, that really is, I think it goes to the power of advocacy. Mm-hmm . It goes to being steadfast and what you believe and [00:33:00] what's correct.
Because I do believe, you know, family needs to know family, however it looks. How did you begin to incorporate the whole. Um, social media piece. You talked about it a little bit before in that idea of I got started and I did this, I wasn't comfortable mm-hmm . But I got through it. So it seems like you've shared your story.
It says with over a half million followers. So you are a social media, right? Um, what would be a content creator? Yeah. Creator. Always kinda creator. A creator. Mm-hmm . So what led you to really continue with that? So when you started that first video. We'll let you to keep sharing your experience and just growing from there.
Amber: It's the people, it's the amount of people that send me messages like, you saved my life. You changed my life. Um, sharing stuff with me. I've never told anyone this before, but I just feel like I can tell you this, like there's so much, and I'm like, 'cause there. Being on social media is so hard. Mm-hmm
People. And especially sharing my genuine life experience, which a lot of people can't relate to. And if [00:34:00] people don't understand something, they tend to look down at it. Yep. So I'm constantly putting myself on a pet, on a platform for people to just throw tomatoes at me and tell me how awful of a person I am.
And I made terrible decisions and like I'm what's wrong with the world every single day of my life on multiple platforms. It's so much fun. , . Um, but. The, the caveat, the, the benefit of that is that, you know, I, I do believe that I'm changing lives. I do believe that I'm making a positive difference. I do believe that people that tell me that, um, and that's what keeps me going and I think about all the time.
I'm like, I wish I would've just blew up for like doing makeup or something like , oh my gosh, . Because now my life is everybody's business. Yeah. And they wanna know all the things. Mm-hmm . All the time and. That's what I'm known for. I had, before I even came in here today, I had a nasty comment on all my videos and the girl was like, aren't you popular for popping a kid out at 12 or something?
Kristie: Oh wow. I was
Amber: just like, you know what? I was 14. First of all, , , get it together. . [00:35:00] Right. But. But now I'm like, you missed the point. A lot of people have kids at, you know, not a lot, but too many have kids at 14, 15 that that's not the thing. The thing is that being able to take those setbacks and turn 'em into stepping stones, being able to use those adversities and turning 'em into advantages.
Mm-hmm . Is what sets me apart and I think why people care about what I have to say. So if God gives me a voice and gives me a purpose, who am I to look the other way? There's a reason that that's right. 600, however many thousand people decided to look to me to look so Okay. If you give me the fi, I'm gonna say something good.
If you had 670,000 people looking at you, what would you say to them?
Kristie: We never know what that purpose and how it's gonna be developed out. And I'm sure you know as a, as a teen mom, the last thing you thought, especially years ago was that you would be a social media influencer and that your purpose would be turned into being an advocate.
'cause that's truly what you are, right, is being an advocate and being a voice for those vulnerable [00:36:00] populations and people that don't have. A voice itself. Mm-hmm . And so, you know, God definitely sets us up what our purpose is, when we least expect it or what we, because you thought you were gonna do something else.
Yeah. And God said, no, that's not your purpose that I'm giving you. Mm-hmm . Let me show you what your purpose is gonna be. And you listened and walked in it. Yeah.
Antonia: So I wanted to ask you too, Amber, what most surprised you about the responses from your audience when you've had, you know, people ? And the responses that you've had.
Amber: I just think the overall stigma that's attached to mental health, to addiction, to even young parenthood, like there are all these ideas that, well, if you were a young parent, you were probably promiscuous. I. They're, they use much uglier words than promiscuous. Mm-hmm. But that's what I'm gonna stand on.
Guess . But, um, and that wasn't the case for me. So it's frustrating 'cause it's like, that's not always, like, sometimes it's not just, oh, they're a terrible person's, they made terrible decisions. Like some people are born into really awful environments. Mm-hmm . They know nothing but what they're born into.
[00:37:00] Right. And they are a product of that. And I think for me, I know so many people who are simply products of their environment. And it's just like . You don't have to be. Mm-hmm . You can switch environments. You have the power to change that. Yeah. You don't have to be a victim of circumstance. You can change your circumstances.
Yeah. And I had no idea when I was a child. The places I would go, the things I would see, like yeah, the experiences I would have. Um, I didn't think that I deserved those. I didn't think that I was worthy of those. And so the frustrating part is people thinking, oh, well you must have done dah, dah, dah, dah.
I'm like, no, that wasn't the case. I lost my Virginia got pregnant. I married the man. We were together for six years. It was abusive. I got out. Yeah, like what? You know what I mean? We had another child, so we had two children within that, um, relationship, but. From there, even my daughter's addiction, oh, well of course she wasn't an addict.
She had a teenage mom. Of course, you probably traumatized her. You probably did this. Mm-hmm . Um, all of these things. And [00:38:00] the reality is it was untreated postpartum depression. She didn't wanna go get help because she didn't want the doctors to look at her like she was crazy. She didn't want them to take her baby.
She didn't want to be questioned. Mm-hmm . Or looked at or be put on medication. Because there's a stigma. Yep. Mm-hmm . So she tried to deal with it on her own. And then being around people who have access to things like Xanax and whatever else, and it's like, here, just take this, you'll feel better. Mm-hmm . Oh, well you take that, you feel better.
Oh, have a drink now. Now you have an appeal and a drink. Now you're making bad decisions. Yeah.
Right. And
Amber: then the spiral continues. Does she know better? Absolutely. But when you are experience a mental health, health crisis and it's untreated by professionals mm-hmm . You do what you can to try to figure it out.
So the stigma around that is, is frustrating. I'm like, she had a good life. She knows, like she know, especially now in recovery, she's like, oh my, you know, she looked at everything different and I'm like, my daughter's back , . But, um, it's frustrating to have to constantly. Then it's like people are, oh, you [00:39:00] don't, you know, you shouldn't have to defend yourself or you are defending yourself.
And I'm just like, it's not about def, I don't personally care to defend myself. I live my life and I love my life. And I, despite whatever you all say about me, I'm good. But Susie, who's watching this video or reading these comments, she might not be good. She might be in a really dark place right now because she just had a baby at 15 and she might see these comments and decide she doesn't wanna go on any longer.
Hmm. . That's why I defend myself. 'cause we don't know Suzy's experience's. Just like y'all don't know mine. And it's important to set the record straight. Sometimes it's important to let people know that . We, you know, teen moms can look like anybody. It could literally be the CEO EO sitting next to you. Okay.
Like, it could Very true. There's, there's people who have, are in recovery who are once considered junkies and throwaways of society. Could be the person standing next to you at the grocery store. Mm-hmm . They could be the person that saves your life when you get into a car accident like. Why are we, why are we so quick to judge people?
Because life happened to them. Mm-hmm . Life happens. [00:40:00] We have to figure it out and figure out how to make it better. So that's, it's, it's hard. And it, like I said, being online and being on multiple platforms and being, growing on every platform, it's like. You switch from one app to the other and it's like, man, like people, you know, there's good weeks and bad weeks right now we're in a bad week, so I'm irritated.
I'm like, Ugh,
Kristie: everyone's in a bad week right now. ,
Amber: like the people have lost their
Kristie: minds. Exactly. . But I think that's the important part of what I hear you saying is sharing the experience, right? Mm-hmm . Bringing some normalcy to some things, you know, like you said, mental health. You know, when we're in mental health crisis, we don't talk about it.
Mm-hmm .
Because
Kristie: of the stigma that's related to it. So being able to share your experience, being able to speak out, um, we know I That's what you've done. That's what you've brought some notoriety to it. And so anything you wanna add to that Antonia, or, you know, when we talk about sharing experiences?
Antonia: Well, I just want to, you know, just reiterate that's why we're really here in terms of, you know, helping caregivers have these [00:41:00] conversations.
Maybe some of 'em are comfortable and you don't know how to navigate 'em, but we're trying to talk to people that do know how to navigate and people that are advocates for those care recipients and . You know, so I'm just really thankful to hear your story, Amber. It's really been inspirational.
Kristie: You, it's really been fun today.
Yeah. With you. Thank you so much for sharing. 'cause you shared a lot. Yeah. You have too, right?
Amber: No, I appreciate the opportunity. I think like the more people who just become aware, um, I'm sure like you guys said, like we haven't really had this conversation before. Yeah. And that's. Exactly what I'm trying to say.
Like, you know, caregivers can come in all shapes and sizes too. Mm-hmm. Like, we're not all over 55. Mm-hmm . That's
Kristie: right.
Amber: Which a lot of the funding is only available for those over 55. And I, you know, um, talking to, oh my God, I can't think of her name right now. Lisa. Yeah. Lisa. I was like, why did it just go away?
Lisa . But yeah, Lisa was just like, you know, there was a time where she had to turn people away because they were a caregiver. Yeah. And a grandparent, but they weren't 55 yet. Yeah. And she was able to help them. [00:42:00] That's. Crazy. Yeah. Like we are all , we're all trying to figure this out. We're all, yeah. We need all the help we can get, we need all the resources, all the support that we can get and you know, everybody's life path.
Life journey looks different. But you know, we can, I can be a caregiver and be sitting next to somebody else who's also caregiver. Mm-hmm . Who has a totally different life experience than me and. At the end of the day, we can still benefit by helping each other out, sharing resources, supporting even just listening.
Mm-hmm . To the other person. Voice matters. Yeah.
Kristie: Your voice matters, right? Yeah. And I always say that it's not always, you know, we may work . For and with organizations. But at the end of the day, the people that's really listening to that are listening to are you
mm-hmm .
Kristie: You, your constituents, those people that are in the same situation.
Your voice matters. And I think that's, you know, going back a little bit, and Tony, that's why we do caregiver conversations mm-hmm . To make sure that we're able to get the voices out. So, Amber, we wanna thank you so much for sharing your powerful story with us today. Your journey is an incredible testament to resilience, advocacy, and love.
For [00:43:00] those who want to connect with you, learn more about your work or follow your journey, where can I find you?
Amber: You can find me all over social media, um, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook. It's my handle is Get Real with ab. Or my name is Amber Boone. Either one of those should pull me up. .
Kristie: Thank you, Amber. And to our listeners, if you found this episode helpful, please subscribe.
Leave us a review and share it with a friend or fellow caregiver. For more resources and updates, follow us on social media or visit www.semircdot.org. You can also reach us at info@miseniors.org, or hey, give us a call at a eight eight three four one eight five nine three.
Antonia: And to learn more about neighborhood legal Services Michigan Elder Law and Advocacy Center, please visit www NLS michigan.org or call 3 1 3 9 3 7 8 2 9 1.
Thank you again for tuning in, and [00:44:00] remember, you're not alone in this journey. Until next time, take care and keep caring.